De’ReunionDr. C. Thangsing
The glowing digital clock showed 4:30 A.M when Jannette woke up with a start. It’s the 23rd day of September 1999 which quietly arrived this morning. She got out of the bed and walked over silently to the sliding doors and out in the balcony. The eastern skies were already of light hue, as the cold morning breeze wrapped her in their embrace sending a chilly shivers down her spine. She sat down the tiny rocking chair which felt like ice on her body; her thoughts were far off even to notice that feeling for she was relieved and released from bondage. She found it extremely difficult to admitted her feelings; it but would never deny the truth that she experienced the weight of depression lighten and easier to carry them. Such thoughts would appear as regularly regular as fleeting moments of enlightenment; ever since her husband, Martin died. It was not shocking anymore that the demise of Martin more shocking that the death of Martin could come as a harbinger of relief and freedom rather than an emotional loss and heaviness of her heart and an ache in her marrows. The thought as such that weave and snaked through the corridors of her mind seems to upset her physical and mental setup. Yet should could not but confessed that now life is a lot easier to live after the accident which devours the life of Martin. His death had opened door to a new chapter, a fresh beginning for Jannette and her little son. Her life with Martin was a continuous struggle and they would end each day fighting and abusing each other like silly little kids in school. Their marriage was more of routine which was jinxed and doom even from the start. It had to end either way and they both knew that life for both would come to a standstill anyway. Jannette could not believe and was amazed as to how they could have live together under the same roof for six years had elapsed just like the snapped of a finger. It was obnoxiously wrong from day one it self and every single day so hard to live by and each passing day seem longer and more agonizing than the other that has just passed by.
Well, it is different today, so different that she thought she was in another planet. This morning seems brighter as the cold breeze gently kissed her on her face with tenderness and the golden glow of the early morning sun seems to breathe in new life into the cells of her dermis awakening tissues and a rejuvenated life in those dried and tired cells that long need nourishment and loving care. The tears, expression of the soul; they came naturally. They are now tears of joy and they begin to work wonders on the route of their predecessors that travel and courses down her beautiful cheek carrying the nectar of sadness, sorrows and the bitterness of the soul. The tears squeezed by the power of torment flowed down often left trail of streaks of salt in her face; have now been replaced by tears of joy that rejuvenate. Jane was sadden by learning the fact that life could be like; and how the impossible thought long ago that the death of one who was once loved. Was it love or just a need fulfilled could just reverse itself. The thought made her shuddered involuntarily and realized how thin the line of love and dislike really is. She is sure now and realized that she had never truly loved Martin. The answer as to why did she marry him was tough to put together. She often enquired to herself and could never come out with an appropriate responds or answer to justify why she did that. Well, that was history now and it is all over for she would soon be leaving Carson City where the past nine long years had been stage at her expense. She does not know why she chuckled and felt immensely childish.
“Mommy!” she had a soft cry beside her as Jason who join her at the balcony tucked at her sleeves. She turned around and gently wrapped her arms tenderly around him as Jason continued to address her in half a whisper; “Why the tears, Mommy?” Here, I am ready, and I packed my bags already last night” he continued. She was all right as she bravely tried to reassure him that it’s all right. Yet, that did the exact opposite for they seem to trigger a an emotional reaction that set the chords of a dormant overloaded lacrimal sac to burst with the gusto of monsoon that would have put to shame the rains in Cherapunjee. The tears came in torrents they flowed rapidly down like a dam that had burst. Her sobs turn into half a wail and Jason join her mother understanding little as to why Mommy cried so much for such a simple and harmless question. She held Jason tight and soon with the tears came healing, and the gripped of the tentacles of roots of aches, pain, anger, and pent up frustrations, seems to dry and shriveled gradually releasing them from their self created bondage. “It’s all right! Jason it’s all right” she found her voice soft, comforting and deep; which even surprise her. She was acutely aware for the many tears she had shed always ended with a up with cracked in her voice exposing the lines of aches that cracked in her heart. She knew and was assured that the true powers of healing had paid a visit to her broken heart and broken spirit. She deliberately blocked the uncertainty the future hold; as to what will happen to her and Jason when they start life afresh in a new place amongst strangers. She waved her hand involuntarily and concluded that was biting more than you can chew for the bright beautiful morning; and that almost made her failed to notice that the sun was higher up and the cold breeze had soothe the tightness around her face where the tears dried now. Jason, took a glance at the distant mountains towards those beautiful golden and crimson leaves of the maples that reflect the rays of the healing sun as a thousand sparkling diamonds. He wiped his tears on his sleeves and gripped more tightly on her mother’s hands as to let Mommy know that Jason is the man of the house; and that he is here to take care of his mother. Together hand in hand they stepped down the steps with a spring in their feet and went down the stairs of their house. They carried packs of books and other belongings in paper cartons and loaded the car. They decided to take a little as possible for old belongings will bring back the bittler old memories and robbed them of a perfect future. It will be a fresh start clubbed together with uncertainty yet with hope and future happiness. The future is all that they have and what it beholds for them. They know not what the future hold but Jannette was sure she knew who holds the future. If needed be she knew she would work, slaved and half skinned herself to a new beginning, a new and beautiful life for Jason. They clasped their hands together and look towards the heavens for His approval.
Just a few yards of empty stretch down the lane, a mile away to be accurate, near the big lake and the blue waters is a patch of beauty and greenery. It was as usual for Antonio to be up early to welcome the beautiful morn. He always made sure to be up early to catch the morning sun as it makes its appearance giving birth to another day. Something had gone out of routine as he was rouse from his sleep and had awaken much earlier than he usually did. This un-natural early awakening had caught him by surprise and set hidden alarms from the core of his heart clanging noisily. He had set his alarm for 5:30 and yet, he was already wide awake at 4:30 Am. He was troubled yet not totally upset with the one hour sleep which he was robbed from him. He felt clearly older and was not difficult or surprising to accept that the control over of his inner mental clock had gone awry. He remembered his lessons in basic psychiatry enough to note that ‘early awakening’ is one sure sign of subdued, suppressed, ‘endogenous depression’. This upset his normal routine course he had mentally laid down for a pleasant weekend. This now has made him afraid and threatens to steal his well earned break, rest and his the secret weapon of energy ‘Sleep’. There was no option or an alternative plan nor any viable reason in trying to resume that broken sleep. He leap out of his bed and grabbed his shorts to open the windows as the chilly draft made him shiver involuntarily. It was colder this morning or was it because he was never that early to feel the early cool breeze.
It was a regular practice ingrained into his mind by his orthodox parents to say his prayers. He never failed to say his prayers for a single day; and even when he does will compensate that by taking moments of quietness anytime he remember to take a journey to the theocratic kingdom. Antonio took a full minute to fill his lungs with the clear and cold air as he counted his blessings. The blessings were many and he spoke in loud whispers for he knew he was alone with his maker. The serene atmosphere and the blanket of quietness around the vale that enveloped time. The peace that surround the retreat and the area around this lonely paradise brighten by the golden glow of the morning sun made him realized what a truly beautiful place this was. He felt fresh and the fresh, cold breeze on his face seems to gently caress him on his cheeks and deep down in his soul with the warm sensation of beauty spring the feeling of sadness and emptiness within. The ache and longing for someone understanding and somebody he can love, someone who he can share his joy and sadness, anger and happiness, someone who he can whisper or shout ‘I love you’ ‘Love you so very much’. He shuddered and shook not from the cold of the morning but that came from within him
Antonio, a busy physician having a roaring practice in the city loves to come over to his lake house on weekends to spend moments alone, time of serenity. He often addressed his quite time at the house near this picturesque lake as “time of reporalization” a time to recharge before he could take up many more assignments and face the strains of working with the sick and the dying. With the hard working team to cater to those in need of a special medical care. A moment to repolarized for a day or at times for a few days to regain his sanity often loss from feeling with his patients and clients about the aches, the pangs of sorrow and suffering and seeing the dying and death almost each day. The aches of patients and their families never left him alone and often drained him of energy. Antonio loves the short moments of reporalization and time of renewal at the “Retreat” which he aptly named the house. He brought this patch of land which once has been ugly covered with rocks, reptiles and busy undergrowth.
The work of building something as beautiful as this ‘retreat’ out of something so dry, so uneven, and almost ugly as this patch of barrenness was no easy task. Transformation came yet, under the tough and determine loving, tender and persistent care have turned it into a habitable dream resort. The transformation was gradual; the desire to bring about change to this inhabitable patch of land and the hard work has now paid off in immeasurable ways. Many moons ago when he with friends from the St.Junes Hope Hospital and Lend-a-Hand Foundation arrived at the Retreat for their weekend was different. Antonio was in the receiving end of the butt of those cruel jokes; but those very friends would fight and draw lots to join Antonia and create ways to find time off from their busy schedule to be at the “Retreat”. Abby an old family friend from the county came to take over as keeper and the caretaker of ‘Retreat’. He was a kindly old gentleman who treated the place with love and understanding the needs of the place; as a couple would treat their first little baby. Antonio and Abby worked hard, tirelessly to bring changes and under their loving and dedicated care the area responds with blooming flowers and soft velvety carpet of green all around. Antonio was busy with his practice and getting older and more mature. He and Abby were great companions. He had met with many girls, dated a few, and there was never an end to the string of admirers from the opposite gender - real ones who love him and those who wanted short term relationships. He was dismayed that he was unable and has never been drawn to them; not to talk of loving someone from those who he had met at work.
He was caught in this melancholic mood as gazed towards the opposite end of the lake. The beautiful little cozy looking huts on the far distance reminded him of the little colorful wooden houses with window boxes. Memories of old deported him momentarily to Willow Dale. The lovely county where he attended High School, the great fun time at the Marion High. The
School bullies, the fist fights the annual dances. The tough life as the son of an immigrant does no good to his image and brought him stronger determination to finish school. He brought himself to remembering those school days as he wanted to dwell his thoughts of Jannette, the most beautiful girl and most intelligent gal he had ever laid his eyes on. Jannette was mature for her age and had been always kind to him. He felt in love with her and has never dare to disclose that to her for he believed that she was just being friendly and kind. She was the luckiest among the gals in class have strings of relationships and was graceful in making friendship with young and the old. She was intelligent and the little moments shared at the school would inspire him to greater heights of determination. She was his role model and his inspiration. When she decided to pursue her career to another city life came to an almost stand still for Antonio. His love for her ended even before he could tell her how he had loved her. He was surprised this cool September morning at the thoughts of Jannette that came to her after such a long time, it was almost twenty years. He shook as memoir of old from within that remain of Jannette began to awaken with such a tremendous force. He grabbed a quick bite from the kitchen as Abby prepared to lay the table for breakfast. He was not hungry and with a quick step down the porch was on his way for his jog. The faint cries of the Black Falcon that took off too for his morning flight assured him that it was the same as usual.
Jannette came with the last of the package and loaded it on the car when she heard the excited voice of Jason. “Mom, Mom you would not believe it!” he cried with enthusiasm, with a voice that could hardly disguised his excitement. “You, see, there is this Falcon that came and picked the bunch of keys from the bonnet of the car”. This is where the amazing journey through the fairy tale began and the reader will be reminded of like a Hindi film like situation of the story that is being slowly and gradually unveiled for the reader. Jannette could not believe it too and down the road they ran and saw the falcon on top of the tree as if waiting for them to catch up with them. As they move down the road the falcon take short flight down the road till they came to a clearing and as they could see the patch of beautifully fenced beached that seems to spring out from the rough and rock patch. The beautiful sight in front of them shook them and they could not but help to cry out in awe at the beautiful beach. They saw the lovely beach house and the smoke from the little chimney and they could see the falcon they were after swooped down and landed on the open cage dropping the bunch of keys from its powerful beak. The white picket fences that guarded the beached were fresh and seem to be the boundary from life and sickness. They move along admiring at the beauty of this beautiful patched which they have never ever set foots on. They had lived just a few yards away they have never ventured out this way for there was hardly time and the moment to see the true value of life around with when life was an extended period of pain, agony, fear and uncertainties; the life with Martin who would be a terror when drunk, and a poet when sober; the only problem was he was more drunk then being sober. Those memories that just darken a spot on this lovely morning; they went away like a fleeting gazelle. Jason and Jannette move down the road slowly and cautiously savoring the beauty of the beach house and the amazing green and the manicured flower gardens. They have stepped into a land of beauty. There were complex mixture of hardy ground covers, succulents, grasses, roses, ferns and shrubs greeting visitors on their way to the front porch of the house. The ambience and variety of plants that seems to bloom in every corner gave an element of surprise to visitors and has delighted many. The visitors delighted and would immediately sense the special nature of the place. If one set foot here one would not fail to wish that time stood still and last for a long time.
They looked at the gate and the both cried out in unison “The retreat”. They cautiously opened the gates of the paradise in front of them and closing the gates behind them treading carefully along the path into the beautiful land. Jannette was amaze how such a beautiful place could exists a stone throw from the shack she had as a home for the past two years ever since they move into the shack in the outskirts of the city.
With excitement in their hearts and spring in their steps they walk up the verandah and ‘Knock, Knock’ they knocked at the doors..... They waited for an answer with impatience.....yet without knowing what cause the impatience.
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She never ever has intended of admitting how much she had loved Antonio; she knew he deserved someone better. She could not but look away from him, the boy she had care so much. Antonio came closer, leaned on her shoulder gentle tilting his head towards her lips.” I love you, always, and always meant even now!” his voice whispered soft, low and husky. He did not wait for Jane to answer for he had waited too long. He held her in a gentle embrace and slowly held her with his hands and cupped her beautiful face in his palms and stroked her lips with his fingers.
He gently drew her back and his lips touch the rim of her ears and he once again uttered softly “You are the only one, the One....”.She shut her eyes tight yet they could not control the tears escaping from her eyes. “ Antonio, you know what I am....I... “Who are you, and what are you...” “Shhussh! I know..I just know that you are the one I always long for..I love you so dearly”
The warm breath of his mouth as he whisper in to her ears send warmth to her and she suddenly felt warm and not alone any more..
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Tuesday, February 29, 2000
